A member of the "Silent Ranks" that doesn't want to be so silent.

Military Wives Who Wear Their Husbands Rank


No matter what the situation is, people feel the need to classify and group each other into categories.  The military does this to our husbands but under no circumstances do I believe that as military spouses should we do this to each other. I do not wear my husbands rank and I don’t believe any one should.  Through my years as a military girlfriend and then spouse, I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a lot of women only to find out that there are in fact many women that wear their husbands rank and will not friend other women if their husbands rank is lower than theirs.

I am reminded of a bridal event that I attended years ago, I met two girls who were getting married to lance corporals.  They shared with me how they had been mistreated by women who were married to Sergeants and above.  How they were disrespected and shut down.  My husband was a Lieutenant at the time and I was told that I would never see this side of what military wives can be like because my husband was an officer and they would be respectful to me. I was totally appalled!  I understand that there are issues of fraternization that need to be avoided, I get that if I friended a wife who has an enlisted husband in the squadron that we couldn’t go out on a double date.  But this would never EVER give me feelings of superiority to the point where I wouldn’t be kind, respectful or helpful to someone!

The military does this to us as well, they have separate family events where we are kept from interacting with each other and placed with our “own kind”.  In order to avoid fraternization.  I rarely ever meet any enlisted wives unless outside of my husbands squadron.  And I have many Enlisted friends outside of the squadron.  Even within the women that I know, treating a Lieutenants wife like a lesser creature if your husband is above theirs in rank is unacceptable. We are in this together.  This happened to me often before my husband turned Captain so I’m not going to say that women on the officer side are any better at this.

On another occasion I saw a gunny’s wife snub a corporals wife to get to the front of a sign-in line! My husband was a Captain at the time and I waited my turn!  Once she found out who my husband was she stopped talking, and walked away. I could not believe that women do this to each other!  I say no more of this!  As military wives we should be accepting and respectful of one another and leave the other stuff to our husbands.  We shouldn’t wear our husbands rank, we should wear our OWN accomplishments and be better people for it.  There is nothing that says that having a husband that has a higher rank means that you are entitled to cut in front of the line and disrespect people who in the grand scheme of things, have a lot more in common with you than not.


14 Responses to “Military Wives Who Wear Their Husbands Rank”

  1. cardiganexpress

    I love this so so so much. I wanted to also write about this matter, but reading your post I could not have said it any better. My I reblog onto CardiganExpress.

  2. kncase

    I HAVE to tell you I completely agree with this blog. I hate that there are people that do this. We all go through the same things so why can’t we all just get along. On a side not, I am in LOVE with the name of your blog, soooo cute!!!

  3. Lauren

    This actually happened to me the other day at yoga! We have recently moved to the area, and my Mr is not the most socialable of animals, while I’m a chatty Cathy with anyone who will stand still long enough 🙂 I introduced myself to a cute young girl in the class who was obviously there with her marine bf. We chitchatted about the usual – how long have ya’ll been together, when did you move to the area, blah blah blah. When she found out mine was enlisted and hers was an officer her entire countenance changed! I just laughed it off…obviously if rank is that important to them I’m not sure we want to be friends anyway!

    Love the post!

    • semperspouse

      Thank you and you’re right, who needs someone that pretentious as a friend anyway. It’s kind of hilarious when they show their ass that way though! 😉

  4. Susie

    Thank you for writing this. I am active duty Army right now, a woman in the military and I see this happen all the time amongst ranks and their spouses. It gets rather annoying. I met my husband in the military and now that he’s out people look at him weird like he is lower than them, it’s sad almost. I get women a lot that look at me weird especially because I am in the military as a women and doing well and they are spiteful towards me. I get mad sometimes and sad cause I can’t socialize with them, it just won’t happen, then I think; HA not worth my time!

    • semperspouse

      I have friends that are in your situation where they stayed in and their husbands got out. I have a lot of respect for women in the military, thank you for your service! And you’re right, not worth your time. There are plenty of us out here that wouldn’t look at either of you weird or be spiteful. 😉

      • Susie

        lol. for instance, i was trying to look around at on post community centers to rent out and was just looking at the layout, mind you it was a party for the CG and me and my husband were dressed i guess in scary colors and my husband has a beard. i walked into one center where a birthday was going on; wasn’t bothering anybody. and of course some lady came up to me and tried kicking me out and talking down to me as she looked me up and down. HA ha… ha ha

  5. Lori D

    Oh my Lord. I bet the men treat their subordinates better than the wives treat each other. This is why I never liked working in an office atmosphere (which I did for years), the women were so unkind to each other. This blog post was enlightening. Thanks for sharing this, but I wish it was better news.


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